Instant Gratification

This week two head coaches were relieved of their duties…fired! First, Scott Linehan of the St. Louis Rams, and now, Lane Kiffin of the Oakland Raiders, why? Jim Haslet replaced Linehan. What’s the difference, the Rams are horrific! Kiffin is being replaced with O-line coach, Tom Cable…who? Yeah, that’s right, I never heard of him either!

Al Davis, in one of his many “brilliant” moves, has fired another head coach…we should have seen it coming…it’s his M.O. Every couple of years he changes the head coach and forgets to look in the mirror…he is the problem! Kiffin, who has never been a Head Coach before, was given 20 games (5-15) to prove himself. When Davis hired Kiffin, he was 31 years old…barely older than many of his players. If Big Al wanted a quick fix, then perhaps he should have hired someone like Bill Parcells, Brian Billick, Bill Cowher, you get the idea…someone with experience!

Since 2003, the Raiders are 20-64…pathetic. In that time span, they went through Bill Callahan, Norv Turner, Art Shell, and now Monte’s boy. Cable is now their 8th Head Coach since 1995…with the only constant being, Al Davis. How does Davis expect anyone to embrace his “Commitment To Excellence”, when they are not given a chance to excel? If Al Davis wants instant gratification, maybe he should visit Hugh Hefner at the Play Boy Mansion!


Short Shots:


Cedric Benson, after being cleared of his legal troubles, has signed with the Cincinnati Bengals. Benson and Chris Henry on the same team…nice!

Rashard Mendenhall fractured his shoulder in his first NFL start on MNF. He gained 30 yards on 9 carries and added another 6 yards on his lone reception. These are not exactly gaudy stats…but not many put up great numbers against the #1 defense of the Ravens. The Rookie will be placed on IR, according to coach Tomlin. Now, Mendenhall will have plenty of time to text all his friends!

Newly crowned Head Coach Haslet has reinstated Marc Bulger as the starting QB…I guess the Trent Green experiment is over?

Week 4 Review

Once again, my crystal ball failed me. I don’t understand what happened…I shined it up last week. I even purchased a stand for it…so now it sits on top of the mantel. I’ve treated it with the utmost respect. For who? For what? (Yes…that was a shot at Ricky Watters!) Once again, I was one up and three down last week…not good…awful…embarrassing even! I have to do something different for next week…maybe I will punish it…have it stand in the corner…or give it a time-out! Something has to give…and I’m not backing down! Let’s take a closer look and see what went wrong:

Last Week: 1-3

Overall: 2-6

Washington @ Dallas: This was a shock to me. I did not see this as a close game at all. I expected the Cowboys to take over at any given moment and put the ‘Skins away. Not only did they not put the visitors away, but they were beaten at their own game…Portis abused the Cowboys all day long. In the end, Dallas made it close. If they would have recovered the onside kick…who knows? But ifs don’t cut it. They got beat. The NFC East is going to be a bear this year.

Philadelphia @ Chicago: Wow…Chicago and Kyle Ortin get a win against the Eagles? Are you kidding me? Now the Eagles were without Westbrook, but still, the Eagles should have won. Woulda, coulda, shouda…but they didn’t…they could not finish! They had their chance to punch it in, but could not seize the opportunity.

San Diego @ Oakland: After a slow start, San Diego is back to even. Nothing surprising here…they beat the Raiders. They should be able to beat Oakland…they are awful, pathetic! Al Davis spent a lot of money during free agency, traded for DeAngelo Hall, and drafted Darren McFadden…all for nothing! This team has a dark cloud over it…Al Davis!

Cleveland @ Cincinnati: The “Ohio Bowl” goes to Cleveland. I don’t know if there is an actual trophy or not, but let’s give it up for the Browns! Well…let’s not, Cincy stinks, and someone had to win…right?


Short Shots:

Rumor has it that Al Davis might be interested in Matt Millen…there’s a marriage made in heaven!

I usually don’t talk fantasy football, but I have Braylon Edwards and Chad Johnson on my team. Needless to say…I’m in last place!

With four chances inside the 4-yard line (3 chances from the 1), the Eagles failed to score a TD and win the game. The Eagles ran the ball 4 straight times. Why not let McNabb role out with the option to run or pass? The Eagles are not known as a power running team…why would they try to be one against the Bears?

I can’t wait to watch tonight’s game…”Text Gate”…Rashard Mendenhall vs. Bart Scott…Let’s get ready to rumble!

Bulletin Board Material

The other day, Rashard Mendenhall (Rookie RB for the Pittsburgh Steelers) sent his buddy, Ray Rice (Rookie RB for the Baltimore Ravens) a text message. So why is that football news? Because LB Bart Scott of the Ravens made it so! Mendenhall’s text was only intended for his buddy Ray. It claimed how great of a day Rashard was going to have against the vaunted Raven’s Defense. Ray Rice took it upon himself to let his defense know about the text message…Bart Scoot took offense.

You see, the Steelers play the Ravens on Monday Night Football this week. Bart Scott had this to say about Mendenhall, “He said later that he was just joking, but it’s too late. Thanks for the bulletin-board material, rookie.” Obviously, Bart is beside himself…what was the Rookie to say? Was he to predict he would have an awful day…that he would fumble 3 times…that in his 1st NFL start (Willie P. is down and out for the contest) he would be labeled a bust…that the Steelers wasted a first round pick on him? Of course not! He said in a simple text to his friend that he was going to have a good performance. Should he not be confident in his abilities?

What’s worse about Bart Scott is that he is a wiley veteran player…does he need a Rookie to motivate him? Isn’t getting paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game enough motivation? Do the Ravens even have a bulletin board? And if so, who is in charge of the posting? Is it a dry erase board, or an old-fashioned corkboard? Could I have that job? Please! Enough! Just play football!

Football is a violent game, played with emotion…the object is to smother the man with the ball in his hands…does Bart Scott not understand that he shouldn’t need bulletin board material for motivation? I expected more professionalism than that from Bart…here’s some motivation…do your job, Vet!

Predictions Week 4

Each week, on Friday, I will look into my (never wrong, just misinformed) crystal ball and give my predictions for that weekend games. I will always prognosticate on the Eagles and Cowboys games and then pick two more games of interest (to me, that is, not necessarily to you). Keep in mind, that this is for entertainment purposes only, and that I do not endorse any sort of legal or illegal gambling. That being said…let’s see what’s in my crystal ball!

Last week I was only accurate on one of four predictions. In baseball, that’s batting .250 (not bad), in football prognosticating…awful! So I shined up the crystal ball for this week, it was a little cloudy, some might say hazy, but it is now crystal clear…to me, anyway!

Last Week: 1-3

Overall: 1-3

Washington @ Dallas: This is a huge game for both teams. The Cowboys are riding high after their big win at Lambeau. Jason Campbell has come on strong the last few weeks and Portis is playing well. In the end it’s not going to be enough. The ‘Skins will hang tough for a while, but T.O. and the gang will dominate in the 2nd half. Look out for Felix “the Cat” to have more touches! Dallas 41, Washington 19.

Philadelphia @ Chicago: This could be a tough game for Philly on the road. They tore up Big Ben and shut down Slick Willie Parker last week. Can they do it again this week? Of course they can! Chicago has issues at QB…Forte is a good RB, and their defense is strong. The “X” factor is Hester, but it will not be enough. Philadelphia 23, Chicago 9.

San Diego @ Oakland: Norv and the Bolts have had a few heartbreaking games this year (the Denver game was total B.S). Al Davis has once again put his coach on the hot seat…boy, there’s a surprise. The Raiders’ slogans, “Commitment To Excellence” and “Just Win, Baby”, are as old as the tarnish on their Lombardi Trophies. Al Davis should fire himself, and let Monte’s boy do his job! San Diego 34, Oakland 17.

Cleveland @ Cincinnati: I will dub this the “Ohio Bowl” because this is the only Bowl these teams have a chance at winning…though it wouldn’t surprise me if they ended in a tie…as neither team deservers a victory. Look for Chad, I forgot how to get open and catch the football, Ocho Cinco Johnson to have a break out game. Cincinnati 21, Cleveland 20.

Short Shots:

This week Troy Brown retired…who cares?

Plaxico Burress was suspended for 1 game for missing practice…Practice; we’re talking about practice!

Matt Millen was fired by the Lions…wow…I didn’t see that coming? (Tongue in cheek).

Cedric Benson was cleared of all charges stemming from his DUI arrests…now can he stay sober long enough for someone to sign him?

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover

On Saturday night, I relearned a lesson I already knew. Often times, we need to be reminded of lessons we learned as a child. When we were children, things were simpler. We didn’t judge, we just played with everyone…all the other children were our friends. We learned to judge, as we grew older. Our teachers always taught us right from wrong…but did we listen?

I pulled into a gas station as I was driving home, only to find out it was closed. It looked open, the lights were on…but it was definitely closed. As I tried to get back in my car, I realized that I locked the keys in my car…no problem? I’ll just call my wife to bring me my spare set of keys. I was only about 15 minutes from home…no biggie, right? Wrong…my cell phone was locked in the car also! I looked for a pay phone…nope, nothing! I looked to see if there was any other business that was open…nope, nothing! There was nothing in sight; no one was there…just me!

As time went on, I must admit, I was getting a little nervous. There I was, by myself, in the middle of the night, and I didn’t know what to do. I paced back and forth…stupid, stupid, stupid…I said to myself. So at this point, I gave up and started walking down the highway hoping I would see a car pass by…nope, nothing!

After about ten minutes or so, I saw a bunch of guys (okay, they looked like thugs). I wasn’t sure what to do? Do I ask them for help? Or do I walk briskly away (run like hell was actually going through my mind), before I get my keister kicked? I didn’t have a choice, as one of them approached me. I was nervous…I tried to stay calm, cool, and collected.

After a brief conversation, he offered me his cell phone to call my wife. She got there shortly with my spare set of keys…and all was good. I offered the young lad (we were chums by this point) some money for his services…but he politely declined. I drove home…but I didn’t feel right. I pre-judged those kids because of how they were dressed, because they were hanging around at 2 A.M. in the middle of nowhere.

As I dropped off my daughter at pre-school today, I told her to have fun and play nice with all the other kids. She went off and started playing with all her friends…If only I was as smart as she!

Cockroaches

Just the other day my cousin Domenic (Cuz) called me. He wanted to let me know that our cousin from Italy was coming for a visit in October, and to call me a cockroach. The term cockroach was coined, or at least he uses it the most, by Howard Eskin of WIP (local sports radio). Eskin uses the term to refer to Cowboys fans, mostly who live in the Philly area. This got me to thinking (dangerous, isn’t it?)…In today’s politically correct society, and the diverse society we live in, I, a cockroach, was offended. At my wife’s school (she is a school teacher), they promote diversity with a huge campaign. In a nutshell, it’s to let everyone know that we are different and that we should understand and respect others points of view.

I also remember in 8th grade History/Government Class, Mrs. Hallman telling us a little bit about our country’s Constitution…that includes our Bill of Rights. One of those Rights is the Freedom of Expression. In other countries, they don’t have these same rights. They fight for these rights!

A few years back at the Vet, I was at an Eagles-Cowboys game and witnessed a grown man spilling a beer over a young boy’s head because he was wearing an Aikman jersey. That boy was minding his own business…just trying to enjoy his team play. I have seen people brawl over similar circumstances many times at the Vet.

Just because we cockroaches root for the Cowboys…Do we not feel? Do we not mourn? Do we not bleed? Why should we be put through this scrutiny? Should we not have those rights to express ourselves freely? Many have fought to give us those rights…why should some crazed fans take them away from us?

I am hoping for quieter, friendlier fans at the Linc in December…more sophisticated, educated fans…the type of fans who support our Constitution, our country, our diversity, and our love for political correctness. So my plea to all the Eagles fans out there, and to Cuz…can’t we all just get along? *

*This article was completely written with tongue in cheek.

Week 3 Review

Today I am taking my lumps, and licking my wounds. I was 1-3 on my predictions for Week 3. Though I take great pride in my prognosticating skills, I must blame the crystal ball for this one. Granted, I should have known better, because I purchased it at Dollar Tree…what do you expect for a dollar? Maybe I will “Windex” it before this week’s prediction, so it isn’t so cloudy and hazy. Lets take a closer look at what happened:

Dallas @ Green Bay: I had picked Green Bay because I felt that after the emotional win against the Eagles, the short week, being on the road, and never having won at Lambeau Field, that the ‘Boyz would falter. I was wrong! “Boo” for my predictions…”yeah” for my team!

Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia: I picked the Steelers because I felt that the Eagles put too much into the Dallas game, and that they were still licking there wound. Wrong again! One final thought on this one…after, I don’t know, the 3rd, 4th, or 5th sack (the Eagles sacked the QB 8 times), Pittsburgh would have adjusted and tried to pick up the Blitz!

Miami @ New England: I picked Miami solely because I knew Parcells wanted to stick it to New England…and I’m glad he did! I despise only one team, New England, because they are Cheaters! Since I was right on this one…gloat…gloat…gloat!

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis: I went with Indy on this one because I figured Peyton would get out of his slump and become Super Peyton once again…oops, wrong thrice! You know, this is getting a little scary, when Eli is the better Manning? I never thought I would ever say that, but Eli is playing lights out, and Big Bro is struggling…that knee better heal up or Indy is in trouble!

Week 3: 1-3
Overall: 1-3


Short Shots:

Is it just me, or are the Refs really off their game this year? Lots of bad calls!

Does Romo like throwing INT’s in the Red Zone?

Could John Madden get any more annoying?

Phil Simms…shut up!

Choke Award…Martin Gramatica…how could you miss 2 field goals (one as time expired before the half, and one at the 2 minute warning in the 4th quarter)…that must have been one long plane ride home for Martin.